“I love you but I love me more. And I’ve been in a relationship with myself for … years and that’s the one I need to work on.” – Samantha Jones, SATC
I was checking out my Twitter timeline earlier this week… when I saw this interesting tweet from @Cosmopolitan, “These 36 Questions Will Make You Fall in Love http://bit.ly/1zzvC0J.” Obviously, I am a sucker for love so [they got me], I clicked the link and found the most intriguing 36 questions ever. Apparently, twenty years ago a psychologist by the name of Arthur Aron put together 36 questions that he believed could make two strangers fall in love. He succeeded. While, I would love to bring these questions up during my dates [kidding] and “make someone fall in love with me,” I thought it would be fun to answer them for myself. Sure, having a companion is dope but loving yourself is doper.
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? This is probably the hardest question on the list. It would have to be someone intellectual that I would love to be like one day. Someone with a sense of humor but knows when to be serious. It has to be someone that has left a mark in the history book and someone that witnessed a historical experience that changed the world. Two historical moments that have always captivated my attention was the Civil Rights Movement and Trujillo’s dictatorship in the Dominican Republic. As I think of who embodies these traits, I think the person that first comes to mind is Malcolm X. I feel like I would learn so much from him and the conversation would be deep.
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way? I think every one has a desire to be ‘someone important the world.’ If I was to achieve fame, I would of course go all out… red carpet once a week, Christian Siriano and Michael Costello custom dress and hair on FLEEK; Jennifer Lopez status. But, what I would really love to do with my fame is help others. Help others in a philanthropist kind of way. Deep down no matter what I do or how “famous” I get in life, I just really want to help people. That is my end goal.
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why? It depends who the call is to. If I am going to speak to a friend I usually don’t rehearse what I am going to say. A lover.. depends how emotional I am that day [insert laugh here]. A professional call… always. I want my colleagues and network to think of me as an intelligent woman. I like to make sure that the conversations I have with people I do business with are 100% on point… that is very important to me.
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you? A perfect day for me… this is hard question to answer. But, I will try anyways! It would have to be a summer day where it pouring and there is thunder. On this day, I listen to music (Bachata, Salsa, R&B), finish a few blog posts, talk to the people I love via iMessage, clean my apartment, light a few candles and eat something with avocadoes in it. I really do appreciate the simple things in life. That’s a perfect day for me. Oh… and, in that day I need to watch a few episodes of Friends on Netflix and, know that I have zero mandatory obligations the next day. (Sounds like most of my Saturdays, lol).
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? I sing at the gym all the time, it helps get me through my planks. The last time I sang to someone was probably last week. I sing to my cousin Marlyn all the time… despite the fact that I have the voice of an angelic dying sheep.
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? I know that this may be a shallow answer but I would keep the body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of my life. The unfortunate part of life is that we have all of these experiences and lessons and when we die we can’t take it with us. But, this is why I would choose the body. I want to fit in my casket, and before I get to my casket I want to be able to do as many crazy things as possible… sky diving, zip lining, bungee jumping, ballroom dancing, everything.. if I’m going out, I’m going out with a bang baby. Also, who is to say that I won’t get Alzheimer’s or a brain disease? I’ll have all this knowledge but wouldn’t be able to do anything or remember it. So, I’m going with the body.
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? So, the reason why I am really afraid of flying is because I secretly think I am going to go out in a plane crash. Don’t judge me.
8. Name three things you and your partner [need] to have in common. The person that I choose to be my partner has to be very ambitious, value family/want a family and they need to have a good sense of humor.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful? My mother without a doubt, I would not be where I am today without her. I owe her all of my success.
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? I really wouldn’t change anything. I love that I had obstacles and adversity to overcome… it’s made me hungry for my goals. Also, I really did appreciate attending public school I met so many different kinds of people allowing me to have a diverse group of friends. I love everything about my childhood and how I was raised… I especially love my culture. One thing I will say is… I wish my mom would have made me pick one hobby and stick with it. I have always had so many interests and wanted to do so many things… don’t know if that is a good or bad thing.
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. [Skipping this question, if you want to really know ask me in person, sorry this blog post is already super lengthy]!
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? The ability to be super disciplined!! I feel like this is the only thing stopping me from world domination!
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? This might be a waste of a crystal ball wish but, I really want to know who I am going to end up marrying. I wouldn’t say I have my life figured out but, I think it’s going to go pretty well. I have a good idea of where my career is going, I know my strengths and my flaws, I already know the friends I am spending the rest of my life with but, I just cannot figure out who the hell I’m going to end up with. But, I guess that takes out the fun in life if I find out…
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? I would love to write a New York Times bestselling book. And, I haven’t done it because I can’t decide if I want it to be a self-help book or a fiction novel.
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? I have had many accomplishments (being in a magazine is definitely at the top of my favorite things I’ve ever done) but, my favorite accomplishment was beating every student in my Math B (Algebra II) class. I got the second highest Math B regents score that year in my entire high school. Proving that Asian students aren’t the only people that are great at math. I do owe that achievement to Ms. Zhao, she was one of the teachers that really changed the course of my life… she made me love everything about math. But, that accomplishment really taught me that if you work hard and you really want something you can achieve it. I would literally cry if I got anything less than a 90 on any of my tests in that class… I was such a nerd!
16. What do you value most in a friendship? Appreciation. Nothing sucks more than being unappreciated by someone you love.
17. What is your most treasured memory? I have the worst memory ever but, one of my favorite memories involves my grandma (I love her)! One time, she asked me if I wanted to go to Long Island to visit some family members and, I said yes. I was really young. It was my first time on the LIRR (I had to be like eight years old) and, I was so amazed by it. When I got back to NYC that day, I took a pen and paper and voluntarily wrote about my adventure to Long Island. It was a four page essay (not a surprise, lol) and it was entirely in English. But, my grandma, barely able to speak English, knew exactly what the essay was about. She took my essay and showed it off to everyone saying how talented and smart I was. I think that memory is important to me because, it just always reminds me of how supportive my entire family is about everything that I do. Everything is a big deal to them, they embrace all of my accomplishments even if it is a story about my trip to Long Island. It means so much to me.
18. What is your most terrible memory? My worst memory is with my last ex, he was just the epitome of an asshole. No seriously, you might think you are dealing with an asshole right now but this kid was a different breed of a butthole. He made everything so DIFFICULT, everything was just an obstacle with him. Save yourself the time and stay away from Dominican-Gemini men, they are the devil. Back to my story… in July 2012, after I officially graduated from college the first thing I did was drop everything and visit him in Boston, his idea. We had decided to spend Fourth of July together and continue our mini-tradition; we spent it together the prior year at his family’s place (even though that ended in an argument as well). Point is, I thought we were in a different/better space this time around and this little dummy planned an ENTIRE weekend of cute stuff for us to do only for him to just be on asshole all weekend long. I don’t know if he did it because he was in front of his friends and he thought it was cool but it wasn’t. Every date he took me on he just belittled me, yelled at me or embarrassed me. He took me to the movies and on the way back from the movies he yelled at me because I didn’t speak in the car (I was mad at something he said but, I kept it to myself to talk about later … why would I bring up our private matter in front of everyone). On the double date with his co-worker he REFUSED to teach me how to play pool, his co-worker had to teach me while his girlfriend was watching.. it was SO EMBARASSING!!! They both thought the way he was treating me was out of line and mentioned it in the car. Everything about that weekend was just a horrible nightmare, it ended in me EXPLODING on him and doing one of those terrible cries where you can barely breathe and so many boogers are coming out of your nose. He kept telling me horrible things as I cried, even though he was holding me and telling me he cared about me a lot… (signs of a socio-path)? I just didn’t understand where that all came from, and why… if you were going to go out of your way to plan a weekend of events for someone you would ruin each thing YOU PLANNED. If you didn’t want me there in the first place you should have never came up with the idea! To put the cherry on top of that he didn’t even say congratulations to me for graduating, he was a jerk. 19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? I would go out more, I have become such a prude and homebody. But, that is the one thing I would change, I would party more. And, I would do this because… there is no point in sitting around waiting for death might as well live it up until your time comes. I’m not going to go out knowing the last year of my life was boring as hell. P.S. I’m taking everyone I love out with me that way I’m killing two birds with one stone, spending time with my love ones and partying.
20. What does friendship mean to you? I take friendship very seriously. I have been fucked over by so many people. And, when I love someone they become part of me. Their problems, their happiness everything. I want the best for my friends. I have learned that friendship is just about “being there..” But, yeah friendship, I have very few (more than enough for me) and, I love them like no other, I would do anything for my friends. They are as close to me as my family. I would do anything for my family. Anything they need I am there. That’s the kind of friend I am and, that is what friendship means to me.
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life? Love sucks.. I’m just not good at it. And, maybe that’s my problem.. I keep thinking I have to be good at it. I’m just not good at it.. mostly because I love to fall for people when the timing is very wrong. But, affection, I get a lot of it from my friends, family and admirers. I get complimented often and I love giving hugs!! But, love maybe it’s just not for me right now.
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five item. [Skipping this question because I have no partner to consider].
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s? My family isn’t as close as we once used to be, every one is starting their own families, but we are close. We get together for the major holidays like no time has passed. My family is very warm and welcoming. I love it. And, My childhood was awesome, I had a lot of love in my childhood again because my mom is awesome she made sure I experienced the best childhood ever. I want to make sure I pass that on to my children one day. Also, I do think my childhood was happier than most other people, I didn’t really experience trauma as a child… nothing bad. I feel like the worst memory I have of my childhood was when I twisted my arm after I feel down a hill because I got scare while roller blading, that’s as bad as it gets for me…
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother? Growing up, we had a lot of arguments but, as an adult I understand why she was the way she was with me. I only hope that I can be as great as a mother as she was to me to my future daughter and leave my daughter with a path just like my mom left for me. My mom left me a road map for life, I want to give that to my daughter. I don’t want her to have a hard life I want to do all the work so that she can have it easier for me. I feel like thinking about it.. that’s just how it runs, this mentality has been passed down from my grandma to my mom and now I want to pass it on. My grandmother came from POVERTY… but she was a hustler, she is one of the youngest of her siblings and she took care of all of the and still kind of does. And, I definitely inherited that from both of those women. Love them.
25. Make three true “I” statements each. For instance, “I am in this room feeling … ”
- I am in this room feeling happy
- I am in this room feeling grateful
- I am in this room feeling inspired
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “I wish I had someone with whom I could share my success with, every part of it.
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know. Something that is important for my partner to know is… I like to be in control of everything. It is very hard for me to not be in control but, I know this is something that I have to work on and will work on. I have to stop getting so anxious about the future and everything, I need to learn how to let things flow naturally. Also, my partner must know that everything I do… I do it with love because I just want the best for the people in my life. I promise you my intentions are purely genuine.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met. What I love about myself is that I am a very motivated and optimistic person. Don’t ever change that.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life. Again bad memory but, something embarassing that happens to me ALL THE TIME, I will see someone on the train or in public that looks like someone “I know.” I will go up to them and say hi then realize… I have no idea who that person is. It’s hilarious but very embarassing. I have to stop that.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? The last time I cried was in January, it was in front of Marlyn (my cousin) and the last time I cried by myself was Sunday, January 18th, 2015.
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already. You are funny and you try to find the good in every situation. That’s a great trait to have.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? Suicide and Domestic Violence.
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet? I would be so damn pissed if I was to die this evening, I have so much shit to do. But, I think I have told every one everything I have ever wanted to say to them. I think that is one thing I do love about myself. I EXPRESS the hell out of my emotions, I can’t keep shit that is bothering me on my chest. Yes, I will write you the longest message in the world saying how I feel but at least you know. At least I can die and know I have told every single person everything I have ever wanted to say. Every one that has meant something to me, or means something to me knows how I feel about them.
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why? And, see this is why being a planner is so important. This is going to sound insane but I have already planned for this event. If I had a chance to save anything, it would be my paperwork file brief-case. In this file organize brief-case thing, I have every piece of documentation I would ever need. Do you know how hard it is to get paperwork with no documentation. I am ready and I keep this file organizer in an accessible place in case that ever happens (God Forbid)!
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why? My dad, I love him and I tell him this often but sometimes I feel a bit disconnected to him. It is hard for me to be vulnerable around him or for him to be vulnerable around us (my sister and I). I would honestly be so distraught, maybe I should work on connecting more with him.
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen. [Can’t answer this question either but I will one day]!